Well younger me. Boy did we sacrifice life for all the wrong reasons. If someone really cared for you they seriously wouldn’t put conditions on their love, care and time. You would be FREE to live life that made you happy. Just because it made you happy didn’t make it anti-Islamic.

Just because you were more ‘coconut’ than standard British Pakistani did not make you a bad person and you certainly did not need to marry someone and become a housewife to prove you were raised right and that you were SUCCESSFUL.

Being married does not equate to SUCCESS. Being married to someone from the same culture, tribe etc as you does not mean a single thing in the larger scheme of things. Becoming a housewife with a degree IS a waste of your education when you are unable to pass on any wisdom to your children because they are restricted by the same cultural garbage that caused you to walk the plank.

You can be a good Muslim and not worship culture and ‘family’ or ‘tribe’. We worship GOD. No ifs or buts baby. But when you are 21 and your family make it clear that if you don’t bow down the ramifications will be too much for you to watch you go ahead and park up your hopes, aspirations and dreams of being the change you know you are fully able to manifest.

Marrying someone based on a family match means nothing. You don’t love them you cannot FORCE yourself to love them. You will die on a daily basis pretending life is all roses when you sleep on a bed of thorns, nettles and lies.

Marrying someone because you LOVE them and you WANT TO BE WITH THEM does not make you a BAD MUSLIM. It makes you human. You honestly think the same God that put those feelings in your heart will judge you for developing them into a relationship that would grow to bigger and better?

What makes you think those family members love you that believed a mismatched spouse was suitable simply due to DNA? Have you noticed how the same people stayed quiet when life became unsavory? Did you notice how when things got hard they then told you to ‘pray to God’ the same God you literally turned you back to so you could walk the path of culture and family?

Don’t turn your back on your religion, your self belief on YOU. Changing to accommodate the thought processes of others will kill you (Heart Attack at 31). You are not a computer; why should you process garbage that needs to be sent to the recycling bin and deleted permantely?

You have every right to be you and be happy. Others happiness does not equate to you being unhappy. Real love from anyone means it’s unconditional. If family was only happy when you were unhappy what lesson is that for your daughters? You are not a lamb that needs to be sacrificed. You have rights to be happy, be loved and love back without conditions.

Your personality does not need ‘adjusting’. Just because you don’t believe in lying to people to make them feel good does not mean you are rude. It means you are real.

OMG you are not ugly. For real. People have stuff injected into their lips to make them fuller. Your eyes are big. But eyes are the doors to the soul. Wearing glasses is fine; it doesn’t represent a disability and even if it did that’s Gods plan not yours.

You don’t need £1000s of cosmetics and creams to make you ‘pretty’. And damn girl you look good for your age. You have good genes. Some people are just jealous and will grind you down with themselves to make you feel bad and themselves feel better. Hold your head up high baby. You pull off red lipstick like no other.

You are NOT fat. Asian clothes some in matchstick sizes. Ain’t it funny the same people that critisised you for purchasing ‘labelled’ clothing now dress like you?

You are not a failure. You are not a ‘unsuitable wife’. It’s the warped way of thinking that is wrong. No one is born with a manual on life. Just because you want to be happy, go on holidays, see the world, have a career does not make you a bad individual.

And the fact you are struggling with PND, looking after your little one and keeping a clean home like those perfect Asian housewives does not make you a bad woman. Please stop torturing yourself. Its not worth the pain. What’s important is your child’s growth and health. A clean home would be a nice thing but it doesn’t equate to success.

And no, wearing jeans and western clothes does not make you a whore. It makes those that spread that propaganda as backwards and illeterate. A whore is someone that has no morals or standards in general and jumps anything that moves. Jeez. Is it really that hard to tell the difference?

And no red lipstick does not make you a SLUT either. That’s what society will have you believe because a confidence woman is a dangerous woman that would take crap from a so-called weak ass man.

Just because you are friendly it does not make you a hoe. Just because people say stuff doesn’t make it true. TALK IS CHEAP. Talk is free. Actions Alliyah! Actions. You need to monitor actions.

You do not need to be RETRAINED to be a member of any society. When the right person comes into your life yes you’ll both adjust to each other but it won’t be painful and you certainly won’t ‘hate’ yourself for the changes you are making.

Go live your life. Leave the UK. Become the woman you wished was in your life when you were a little girl. Be a fierce kick ass hijabi that is Muslim before anything else. Be happy. Love openly. Don’t surpress yourself so much that your health is damaged. Your personality is a blessing. Don’t change for anyone. Family isn’t always it’s cracked up to be. But if you stay true to yourself you will learn you don’t need anyone but you. Because if you trust in God and hold the vision and trust the process things will be so awesome your life will be magical. Just don’t give up baby girl. Get ready because we’ve started again; and this time it’s about YOU.