Category: Faith

Why you need to set up a Ramadan Cookery Circle
Alliyah Dawud
April 15, 2019

Ramadan is the most blessed months a Muslim can experience. Its a time for contemplation. A time to reflect and change the direction of life. Its a time to give back to charity. It’s a time to get closer to our faith.

Sadly for many sisters its a time where they find themselves chained to the kitchen when they should be reaping the rewards of this awesome month.

For a lot of families food plays a huge part in Ramadan. There’s Sahoor and Iftaars to plan, prepare and cook. Then there’s hosting Iftaars for nearest and dearest (which FYI I haven’t done in a decade). That’s a large chunk of time on a daily basis. By the time you’ve cooked and cleaned up energy levels are at a low and the idea of staying up to repent or pray is near impossible (because half hearted recitation is also a no-no; you want to focus and give it your best).

A couple of years ago I started to batch cook food used in Ramadan and froze it in suitable sized portions. This helped me no end. There was no last minute mad panic in the kitchen. Things ran smoothly; very smoothly.

I then came to the realisation that my issue of balancing the time spent preparing and cooking food with the actual important duties of Ramadan were a problem for a lot of sisters. And if you are reading this and nodding along I have an idea that may help you a lot….

Ladies I present to you the idea of setting up a Ramadan Cookery Circle.

For this idea to work you will need a group of ladies in a similar position to you.

How this works:

Basically you come together with a group of ladies and cook a few recipes in bulk. You then swap portions of the food with others in the circle for food they’ve cooked. And voila; you have instantly increased the amount of food you have for your Ramadan freezer.

Sounds pretty easy doesn’t it? I’ll still talk you through it.

STEP 1:
Gather your friends that will be having the same issue as you during Ramadan together.

STEP 2:
List all the food that you guys know you will be cooking in Ramadan. These foods need to be suitable for freezing.

STEP 3:
List all special dietary requirements including how hot people like spicy foods!
Share recipes (if required) with the group.

STEP 4:
Delegate the recipes out to the group. Agree on how much of each recipe needs to be made.

STEP 5:
Decide when you want the food to be cooked by and where and how the food will be delegated. Will you guys meet up a few days before Ramadan to swap food?

STEP 6:
Take the food home and freeze.

Now that doesn’t seem to be that scary does it?

The idea behind this is you save time by bulk cooking your delegated recipes and then you swap some with the others.

So if there’s 5 of you and you each of you cooked 2 recipes in bulk you are walking away with 10 dishes for your freezer (including what you cook yourself).

Don’t you think that’s awesome?

And the more of you there is there’s potential for less work and more dishes.

In my experience the following are awesome for freezing:

Samosas and rolls
Burrito rolls (great for Breakfasts)
Kebabs/Koftas
Pulaw and Biryani bases
Chutneys
Curry sauces
Meatballs (so pasta sauces, koftas etc).

What else should consider?

How much freezer space you have.
How much time will you need to prepare and cook your dishes in bulk.
Is everyone happy with their delegated dishes.
Do you want to swap dishes or do you want to pay for the ingriedents instead?

The idea of the circle is to cut your time in the kitchen and essentially share cookery skills and invest more time into Ramadan doing things that will be fulfilling.

With Ramadan on it’s way why not share this post with your ladies and see whose willing to sign up to your circle?

Got any advice for other sisters? Drop it below.

Letter to a younger me.
Alliyah Dawud
March 25, 2019

Well younger me. Boy did we sacrifice life for all the wrong reasons. If someone really cared for you they seriously wouldn’t put conditions on their love, care and time. You would be FREE to live life that made you happy. Just because it made you happy didn’t make it anti-Islamic.

Just because you were more ‘coconut’ than standard British Pakistani did not make you a bad person and you certainly did not need to marry someone and become a housewife to prove you were raised right and that you were SUCCESSFUL.

Being married does not equate to SUCCESS. Being married to someone from the same culture, tribe etc as you does not mean a single thing in the larger scheme of things. Becoming a housewife with a degree IS a waste of your education when you are unable to pass on any wisdom to your children because they are restricted by the same cultural garbage that caused you to walk the plank.

You can be a good Muslim and not worship culture and ‘family’ or ‘tribe’. We worship GOD. No ifs or buts baby. But when you are 21 and your family make it clear that if you don’t bow down the ramifications will be too much for you to watch you go ahead and park up your hopes, aspirations and dreams of being the change you know you are fully able to manifest.

Marrying someone based on a family match means nothing. You don’t love them you cannot FORCE yourself to love them. You will die on a daily basis pretending life is all roses when you sleep on a bed of thorns, nettles and lies.

Marrying someone because you LOVE them and you WANT TO BE WITH THEM does not make you a BAD MUSLIM. It makes you human. You honestly think the same God that put those feelings in your heart will judge you for developing them into a relationship that would grow to bigger and better?

What makes you think those family members love you that believed a mismatched spouse was suitable simply due to DNA? Have you noticed how the same people stayed quiet when life became unsavory? Did you notice how when things got hard they then told you to ‘pray to God’ the same God you literally turned you back to so you could walk the path of culture and family?

Don’t turn your back on your religion, your self belief on YOU. Changing to accommodate the thought processes of others will kill you (Heart Attack at 31). You are not a computer; why should you process garbage that needs to be sent to the recycling bin and deleted permantely?

You have every right to be you and be happy. Others happiness does not equate to you being unhappy. Real love from anyone means it’s unconditional. If family was only happy when you were unhappy what lesson is that for your daughters? You are not a lamb that needs to be sacrificed. You have rights to be happy, be loved and love back without conditions.

Your personality does not need ‘adjusting’. Just because you don’t believe in lying to people to make them feel good does not mean you are rude. It means you are real.

OMG you are not ugly. For real. People have stuff injected into their lips to make them fuller. Your eyes are big. But eyes are the doors to the soul. Wearing glasses is fine; it doesn’t represent a disability and even if it did that’s Gods plan not yours.

You don’t need £1000s of cosmetics and creams to make you ‘pretty’. And damn girl you look good for your age. You have good genes. Some people are just jealous and will grind you down with themselves to make you feel bad and themselves feel better. Hold your head up high baby. You pull off red lipstick like no other.

You are NOT fat. Asian clothes some in matchstick sizes. Ain’t it funny the same people that critisised you for purchasing ‘labelled’ clothing now dress like you?

You are not a failure. You are not a ‘unsuitable wife’. It’s the warped way of thinking that is wrong. No one is born with a manual on life. Just because you want to be happy, go on holidays, see the world, have a career does not make you a bad individual.

And the fact you are struggling with PND, looking after your little one and keeping a clean home like those perfect Asian housewives does not make you a bad woman. Please stop torturing yourself. Its not worth the pain. What’s important is your child’s growth and health. A clean home would be a nice thing but it doesn’t equate to success.

And no, wearing jeans and western clothes does not make you a whore. It makes those that spread that propaganda as backwards and illeterate. A whore is someone that has no morals or standards in general and jumps anything that moves. Jeez. Is it really that hard to tell the difference?

And no red lipstick does not make you a SLUT either. That’s what society will have you believe because a confidence woman is a dangerous woman that would take crap from a so-called weak ass man.

Just because you are friendly it does not make you a hoe. Just because people say stuff doesn’t make it true. TALK IS CHEAP. Talk is free. Actions Alliyah! Actions. You need to monitor actions.

You do not need to be RETRAINED to be a member of any society. When the right person comes into your life yes you’ll both adjust to each other but it won’t be painful and you certainly won’t ‘hate’ yourself for the changes you are making.

Go live your life. Leave the UK. Become the woman you wished was in your life when you were a little girl. Be a fierce kick ass hijabi that is Muslim before anything else. Be happy. Love openly. Don’t surpress yourself so much that your health is damaged. Your personality is a blessing. Don’t change for anyone. Family isn’t always it’s cracked up to be. But if you stay true to yourself you will learn you don’t need anyone but you. Because if you trust in God and hold the vision and trust the process things will be so awesome your life will be magical. Just don’t give up baby girl. Get ready because we’ve started again; and this time it’s about YOU.

Gratitude for Life
Alliyah Dawud
March 4, 2019

Note: this article was written on the day my daughter was discharged. It is being published after.

I am writing this is a state of pure thankfulness. Today my 5 year old has been given the all clear from Hospital.

My youngest was born with a Heart Murmur. I knew before she was born that she had a Heart defect and it was a dark dark time in my life. At the time my marriage was ending and I felt alone. The darkness lead to a lot of self discovery so even though it wasn’t the most memorable time of my life I am grateful for what I felt and what it led to.

Still I soldiered on as Mamas do and when Hiffy was born she looked normal. Smelt normal. Acted normal. I just assumed the Heart thing would pan out. I was grateful for having what looked and felt like a healthy baby. She opened her eyes and I’ve got to say it was love at first sight. I guess at the time I didn’t know this little person would become my doppelganger but I felt it was even more important to me to protect her and give her the best of everything. She is perfect. And always will be.

For a lot of babies a hole in the Heart ‘fixes’ itself. The human body is a bloody amazing thing! However in some cases human intervention is needed via an operation.

I was given the news that Hiffy would need surgery as she neared her first Birthday. It was a hard piece of truth of hear. Sadly my daughters specialist passed away from a Heart problem which resulted in her Heart Surgery (Key hole surgery) being delayed and transferred to another Hospital.

In October 2014 my daughter was operated on in one of the best Hospitals in the world; Birmingham Children’s Hospital. Maybe it’s the fact it’s my hometown but I felt there was no better place for my little one to be treated.

Once the procedure was done we were free to return home. We went in on the morning of the operation and discharged the same day.

That’s how awesome modern day medicine and science is. We’re blessed. The NHS is an awesome organisation. We focus on their bad side but what about the GOOD they achieve? What about the staff that does more than their job calls for? What about those midwives that stay on after their shifts to deliver a baby because they’ve bonded with the Mama?

The Cardiac Specialist told me that Hiffy would be no different to any other child so I shouldn’t treat her any different to her sibling.

That was back in 2014. Recently I received a letter asking for Hiffy to attend a clinic for a check up. Firstly four years in a huge amount of time. Secondly Hiffy understands she was born with a ‘dodgy ticker’. Explaining to her we were attending a check up freaked her out.

On the day of the check up we went about business in the normal way. I must have lost a few nights sleep wondering about the ‘what if’ but then remembered that at each and every step of Hiffys life I’ve been eternally grateful for everything. Her improving health. Her milestones. Her epic personality. Her sparkling smile. Her memorising eyes. Her quirky ways. I am eternally grateful for it all. And when you are in a state of gratitude you ATTRACT more to be grateful for.

When we attended the appointment I must admit I just painted on a brave face because the last thing you want a 5 year old to detect is you are slightly fearful of what the Specialist might say.

The staff were simply awesome with Hiffy. They offered to change the DVD for her (after she mentioned she hadn’t watched Peppa in a long time because she’s FIVE) and the Specialist (who just so happened to be from the great Birmingham Children’s Hospital) complimented Hiffy on her good behaviour and manners.

The tests instantly showed what I knew deep down was the truth: Hiffy has a strong and healthy Heart. Her ticker has mended to the best of it’s ability. It’s supporting her to be the awesome spirit that she is.

And after her tests the Specialist gave me the news that he was discharging Hiffy from the Cardiac department. He said she’s just like anyone else who was born with no problem. He reassured me that if I ever felt something was wrong their doors were open; but as it stood Hiffy is happy, healthy and just like the normal five year old. He also said I could treat her like a normal kid.

Isn’t that what I’ve been doing for the past 5 years?

And with the information Hiffy asked if she could be rewarded with a BIG chocolate for her good behaviour and the fact her ticker is fixed. Not today kiddo but yeah; Mama can stretch to giving you a BIG bar of chocolate tomorrow; because my gratitude for you as my child is never ending Hiffy.

I can now sleep easy knowing Hiffy is well, I didn’t do anything wrong for her to be born with a Heart defect and that the NHS are an awesome organisation that need to be given more credit.

Gratitude is attitude; and my attitude is I’m thankful eternally for my blessing that is my pint sized doppelganger.

70 days left until Ramadan 2019…
Alliyah Dawud
February 24, 2019

70 DAYS until we are greeted by the holiest month of the Islamic year. As promised here is a breakdown of goals I am setting to get best out of Ramadan.

Life & Spirituality:

Break down your responsibilities over Ramadan and sort out your time table for the Holy month. Then you can plan your time WISELY. But the first step is to sort out your calendar/dairy.

Ideally you only want to keep the responsiblities that cannot be moved or take a back burner until post Ramadan.

These in my opinion are:
Work, responsibilities towards family (School runs etc), College/Education and of course your development as a Muslim (prayers, meditation etc).

For some these may include community volunteering and even the gym. But you get the idea.

What can be delayed/moved?
Meeting up with friends, sleep overs for the children, other social events, binge watching box sets…you get the picture.

Knowing how much time you have to commit to Ramadan activities exclusively will help you map out what you want to achieve better. It helps me not over commit and under achieve.

Long fasts….Iftaar parties are so tiring….

As Ramadan 2019 is during the hotter months (with a long day) organising Iftaars is a lot of work and can be very tiring.

  • Instead of organising Iftaars consider the following:
  • Donating food to a Food Bank
  • Volunteering the time to a Soup Kitchen
  • Send a Food Hamper to close family
  • Send cookies/Fruit platters for Iftar to friends (you can bake the cookies with children before Ramadan and package them and distribute them on the first of Ramadan).
  • Send a box of dates. We actually do this. We also send ‘fancy a date’ cones to the School for the Teachers. It’s a nice gesture and includes those that are around your children for such a long period of time to enjoy some of the festivities too.

So what are your goals for Ramadan? Why not leave us a comment below and inspire others too.

Why I celebrate Valentine’s Day (as a Muslim Mama).
Alliyah Dawud
February 11, 2019

Admit it; if you are a Muslim reading this you are likely to be judging me for straying from my Islamic teachings. If you are not Muslim then you will be intrigued to why this is a big deal. Either way you will be curious.

And that’s fine.

You see around the first week of January of the year shops go from OTT Santa’s grotto to OTT Cupids joint. Everything goes red and pink. It’s all about love. Love. Love. Cards for your boyfriend, girlfriend, wifey, husband, mistress….the last one shocked you right. But you get the picture. It’s celebrating a relationship; a union.

In my opinion it’s not celebrating love or an unbreakable bond. Because the way I celebrate it is exactly that. Celebrating the bond that is undeniably stronger than many many marriages out there: a parent and their child.

A few years ago I saw a video on social media where the Father was getting upset over the fact both his sons were Mamas boys. He went as far as saying when he had a daughter she’d be his Princess and they’d be hitting the high road. The passion he had for that unique, strong natural bond was simply awesome. And that got me thinking.

If Valentines is all about hearts then why is a parents strongest love link not celebrated more?

I mean I’m not saying your marriage or relationship is weak guys but let’s be honest.

The chances are the first time you looked at your child you swore you’d kill anyone that hurt then.

Looking at your partner brings out a different form of loyalty; and if they are the Father of your child then the bond is intensified by DNA (as long as the relationship is actually in working order).

But both bring out different reactions, emotions and love in us.

So I have been celebrating Valentines Day with my children.

I buy them cards, chocolates, small gifts and focus on LOVE.

They need to know I love them. Unconditionally. And whilst everyone is going crazy over red and pink and large overpriced bouquets I want the girls to understand they are loved; and just because someone of the opposite sex hasn’t given them a card it doesn’t mean anything. Because being popular means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Having an unlimited supply of love does.

To my Muslim readers reading this and saying that I am giving into the Western Media and bowing down to commercialism that’s your opinion. That doesn’t make you right or wrong. My own intent is my own.

So guys when you are looking for a card for your spouse etc why not send a card to your friend, your parents, and your children. Spread the love; be the love. Shine bright.